Self Binding.

Day 47

my emotional self binding is low self worth.

fear of rejection and intimacy.

power struggle and being controlled.

who’s the one that’s bound?

Me.

unbinding looks like coming into close contact.

not a war, although my mind tempts me to defend when there’s no need.

it’s impossible to win a war when the enemy is the self.

i take one action at a time.

a closer look- i see it’s not really self worth- i’m good at all i desire to be

it’s an inability to work with others.

i am the others.

an inability to mold the clay that I am.

fear that it won’t work. again.

looking for love.

searching for permission, the safety to love myself fully.

even when you don’t.

waiting for your yes.

what do you see in me? oh, i can love that too?

but what if i looked on my own, what would i see?…

⁕

I see beauty and pain.

Poeticism that wraps life up in a soothing blanket even when its cries are like shrieks falling upon the world’s ears.

I see a patience willing to wait lifetimes for goodness to emerge from all forms birthed through the breath of god.

I see goodness. All that the word holds.

Anchoring. An energy that roots back into goodness and will not let go despite the depth, weight and anger of the waves in the storm.

When you’re with me, I got you. I’m not letting go.

There is a majesty. A replication of the dynasty that raised me.

The corridors filled with whispers of wisdom, from ancestors who’s faces I see reflected back in every mirror.

Pause. There’s a reverent pause.

Listening for guidance. Because humility disallows me to map out of ignorance and instead coordinate from mastery.

A playful presence. A shy giggle vibrating from the chords of my voice.

They allow imagination to externalize. To be personified, made human again.

A disciplined artist. Coloring within the lines make my use of multidimensional pairings harmonious. Pleasing to all 6 senses.

When I look at myself there is just wholeness.

A rich & fertile ground in which many seeds will grow.

There’s nothing that can tame or take me. I am too broad.

Oh, fear and doubt? They’re just the result of cackling thunder in the distance.

but I’m thirsty, I love the rain. 

⋯

we really have cultivated something special here inside of TDS.

it feels like a haven of philosophers, willing to live openly with life

thank you for being here from the beginning, through these months of transitions this has really been a safe space for me.

xJas